🤣 My Creative Edits of Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee's Statement Addressing Leaked Audio of Her Cussing Out Staff Member 🤣

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee released a statement after leaked audio surfaced of her berating a staff member in the most vulgar manner. I took it upon myself to edit that statement to get to the heart of what she was—according to me—really thinking. The strikeouts are the words that need to go, and the [brackets] contain the words she—according to me—were, again, really thinking. All those changes, I’ve conveniently put in bold so no one misses a thing. I have to admit, I’m already having too much fun with this:

I want to convey to the people of Houston that I strongly believe that everyone [everyone I decide] deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, and that includes my own staff [except the ones who tick me off]. I know that I am not perfect [, which I use as an excuse]. I recognize that in my zeal to do everything possible to deliver for my constituents I have in the past fallen [ridiculously] short of my own standards and there is no excuse for that [except the excuse I just gave about not being perfect]. I am passionate about serving my constituents. I want the best for all of them.

At heart, I am someone who tells it straight [, and I believe calling staff members names and dehumanizing them is telling it straight]. I know that as much as that is a strength, it can sometimes be a challenge to balance. [I have no self-control]. But when I fall short, [crash hard] I want the people I represent to know that it is because, I'm standing up for them - not me. [again, I have no self-control]. To anyone who has listened to this recording with concern [disgust], I am regretful [meaning regretful it was leaked] and hope you will judge me not by something trotted out [brought to voters’ attention] by a political opponent, that worked to exploit [expose] this, and backed by extreme [normal, decent] Republican supporters on the very day that polls open, but from what I've delivered to Houstonians over my years of public service [entitlement].

Many staff have worked in my office and many of them have gone on [run away] to bigger and better opportunities, and others as well have returned to work with me again, [gluttons for punishment, they are]. Interns in my office leave with actual constituent service and legislative experience. I want each of them to know that the work we accomplish would never be possible without their hard work and dedication [me]. Working as a public servant [career politician] is demanding, but it is my calling [preferred identity]. I expect excellence at all times and I know that it is because of their commitment that I am able to fulfill my duties as an elected official. I will never forget the debt of gratitude I and so many others owe them[, but I did forget that day].

Moving forward, I want the people of Houston to know that my vision for our city, as mayor, is unwavering. [Elect me, please. That is, after all, why I’m making this statement.] I am dedicated to addressing the pressing issues that our community faces, such as crime and public safety, education, healthcare, affordable housing, and economic and greater job development, [and folks cussing out and berating their staff]. I'm excited about the opportunities to secure more federal funds and developing public private partnerships for the city. I am committed to making Houston a better place for all of us, and the sooner we can refocus on the real issues we face instead of political [profanity-laced] attacks and stunts [character exposure], the sooner we can achieve these goals. I look forward to uniting this very diverse city and recognize that our strength is in the work we will do together [, and I will foster that unity even if it means cussing out and tearing apart everybody who doesn’t do what I expect. And yeah, the end. I’ve done what I had to do so gullible folks will vote for me.]

As I already mentioned, I had too much fun with this! Seriously, though, these politicians are a piece of work, and they will continue to be as long as we the people allow them to be. We are as bad as they are if we are as drunk on their power as they are. We have to demand more from those we put into office.